teaspon

50shadesofyodaddysdick:

boyfriend: what’s for dinner?

me:

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peetababy:

my boyfriend just changed the game in 140 characters or less

peetababy:

my boyfriend just changed the game in 140 characters or less

drewsland:

i am LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW OH MY GOSH

drewsland:

i am LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW OH MY GOSH

mypreciouslittleblog:

my economics textbook sees a bright future ahead

mypreciouslittleblog:

my economics textbook sees a bright future ahead

toocooltobehipster:

reason for divorce: i asked them what’s up and they said the sky

cumslayer:

cumslayer:

So I went on a date today and we went to a nice restaurant before going to the movies and I ordered the “iced grape popsicles” for dessert because I love grape Popsicles so why not right?…..so the waiter brings out the “iced grape popsicles” aND THEY WERE LITERALLY 3 FROZEN GRAPES ON STICKS…..I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE OFFENDED IN MY LIFE…SINCE WHEN ARE 3 FUCKING FROZEN GRAPES IN A FUCKING VASE AN ACCEPTABLE SINGLE DESSERT ORDER..ITS NOT EVEN FROZEN GRAPE JUICE OR SOMETHING ITS LITERALLY JUST A 0.02$ GRAPE THAT WAS PUT ON A STICK THEN FROZEN…LIKE SOMEONE ACTUALLY WROTE THIS DOWN ON THE MENU THINKING “OH YEAH PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE COLD GRAPES” AND SOME OTHER ASSHAT SAID “BRAH. HEAR ME OUT, HOW ABOUT WE PUT THEM ON STICKS AND SERVE THEM IN A VASE WITH NOTHING ELSE” LIKE YOU COULDNT EVEN SERVE IT WITH A FUCKING SECOND FRUIT OR EVEN FUCKING LEAVES OR WHATEVER… IM SO MAD. FUCKING FROZEN GRAPES ON A STICK.

AND THEY WERENT EVEN SEEDLESS GRAPES…..

screecherowl:

margygur:

margygur:

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY CAT ALLL DAY AND AFrer WALKING OUT LOOKING FOR HER I SEE HER IN THE NEIGHBOURS WINDOW ALL THE WINDOWS AND DOORS ARE LOCKED AND THEY ARE ON HILIDAY HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUC K

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imageTHAT IS MY CAT AND THAT IS NOT MY HOSUE 

I guess this would be a good time to become a cat burglar